Baby fussing at the breast? Signs, causes and what to try to get breast feeding back on track

When your baby is frustrated and fussing at the breast the knock-on effect of mummy frustration quickly escalates and you can both be in a teary heap in no time.  His fussing, crying and frustrated behaviour is signaling to you that things are not quite right and that he needs something different to happen right this very moment.  When you think about it, this form of communication is quite an effective means of change!  But when it happens often it can become a catalyst for depression, early cessation of breastfeeding and a multitude of guilt.  Working closely with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) can help you get on top of what’s going on and why, and give you much needed support to work through your challenges.    

Rowena Gray IBCLC is the Parents You've Got This Lactation Expert. She teaches at the Parents You've Got This Baby Basics Masterclass and you can download the Breastfeeding Basics video here.

Let’s look at some reasons why your baby might be frustrated, fussy and crying at the breast and what you can do about it.

Signs your baby is frustrated at the breast

Does your baby push and arch away from you and have you questioning if he doesn’t like you anymore?  Does your baby hold your breast in his mouth, shouting into it like a microphone, and beat your breasts with his fists?  Is he turning his head away from the breast?  Does he have 3 sucks then pull off screaming and kicking his legs? Is he latching on and off the breast and getting increasingly upset?  Is he difficult to settle despite multiple attempts to feed him? Does he stop fussing as soon as you offer him a bottle?

All these situations represent moments when your little one is expressing frustration at the breast.  He is using his body language to show you that he absolutely is not happy with something.  He is staying “Stop! This isn’t working for me!”.  And the challenging question to work out is what isn’t working?

Causes of frustration at the breast

It could simply be because he’s not hungry or not ready to feed at the moment that you offer the breast or he has had enough milk for now.  If you’re feeding to a schedule or timed routine you will likely be offering feeds at times before he’s ready.  

Sometimes your baby may only want one breast for a full feed.  He may not always want the second breast.  Your baby will always feed to his appetite and will refuse any more until he’s hungry again.  This can feel confusing especially at times of growth spurts when feeding and sleeping patterns tend to adjust to a slightly different rhythm.

Perhaps your little one has woken because he needs a nappy change, needs a burp or is simply asking for a cuddle to resettle back to sleep.  When you offer a breastfeed instead of meeting these other needs he will protest by way of pushing away from the breast as this isn’t what he wants right this moment. Try to interpret his breast refusal as saying “not just yet thanks!”.

Positioning at the breast should be comfortable for both mum and baby. If your little one doesn’t feel secure, is uncomfortable or in pain in a certain position he will tell you with his fussy behaviour.  This can be related to his position in utero, his birthing experience or your dexterity as you get used to trying different feeding positions and where to place your hands. Try holding him in a different way and see if that helps. 

Is your baby unwell?  A sniffly nose and sore throat can make it very difficult and frustrating to suck and swallow at the breast.  Or teething gums can be inflamed and painful making breastfeeding uncomfortable.  Immunisations can make some babies irritable for a short time. Do you need to just wait for time to pass?

Your milk supply and speed of your let-down can create significant fussing and crying at the breast if it makes feeding uncomfortable or not very rewarding for your little one. Concerns with a full, fast flowing breast can leave your little one feeling overwhelmed with the force of milk each feed whereas a breast that’s slower with a low supply can be very frustrating and unrewarding for his feeding efforts. When you combine breastfeeding and bottle feeding the flow and effort between breast and bottle can be significantly different. If the bottle is easier than the breast then your little one may start to prefer the bottle and get frustrated at the breast.

Is your baby able to latch to the breast well enough to draw the milk from the breast?  A good, effective latch is vital for your baby to feed comfortably and to be suitably rewarded for his efforts. If he’s not able to move his tongue adequately to create a deep, effective latch then feeding will be incredibly frustrating for him and he may create nipple pain, damage and shape changes with feeds.  Ask an IBCLC to thoroughly assess his oral function.

What can I do if my baby is frustrated at the breast?

Only feed him when he’s hungry:

Trust in your instincts. If you think your baby is hungry you will likely be right!  But sometimes you may need to meet other needs first so check his nappy, hold him upright and see if he needs to burp or if a simple cuddle helps to soothe him.  Always follow your little one’s hunger cues and not the clock.  Never wake your baby to feed.  Trust that he will always feed when he’s hungry and settle when all his needs have been met.  When he’s hungry he will be more interested in the breast, will feed better and will stimulate your supply to keep up with his growing needs.  He will stop feeding and refuse the breast when he’s had enough.

Be aware of the impact of combining breast and bottle feeding:

Work with an IBCLC to help boost your milk supply if necessary, to position your little one at the breast and to choose an appropriate bottle teat if necessary.  Using an appropriate bottle teat really helps to minimise the difference in effort and flow between breast and bottle feeding.  You will notice that you hold your baby one way to breastfeed and a very different way to bottle feed. As soon as you bring him into the breast and he starts to fuss and cry, he knows that he is not getting a bottle right now!  Try to have the same holding position whether it be to breastfeed or to give a bottle.  An IBCLC will be able to work with you to find a helpful feeding position to help bring your baby back to the breast and to avoid bottle preference.  

Adjust your feeding position:

An IBCLC will be able to suggest different positions to try that might suit you both better especially if positional discomfort is a factor in your baby’s fussiness at the breast.  Bruising or body tensions that may have resulted from your birth experience can cause your little one to be uncomfortable in certain positions.  Try holding your baby in a different position or lying down on your bed so there are no pressures on any uncomfortable areas, especially around his head and neck.  Keep your hands away from your baby’s head so that he can lift his chin up towards the breast.  Angle your nipple to his top lip to encourage a wide mouth and a deeper latch.  

Milk Flow:

It’s common in the early weeks when your breasts are engorged to feel like your flow is quite fast.  You may even notice that your milk sprays your baby in the face as you’re getting ready to feed!  A fast flow can sometimes cause some discomfort for your baby.  A slightly more upright feeding position can be helpful here.  Or you may be struggling with low milk supply and the slow flow is causing your baby frustration when he’s hungry.  It’s normal for your baby to get a little fussy when your breast has softened and he wants to have more from the other side. Try switching to the other breast and see if he’s happier there. He might want multiple breasts each feed, not just once on each side!

Consider body and oral tensions:

If your baby is still struggling to latch effectively and comfortably to the breast, ask your IBCLC to assess your baby’s oral function, and tongue and jaw movement.  Oral restrictions (tongue tie & lip tie) can make it extremely difficult and sometimes painful for your baby to feed well.  An Osteo can also help release body and oral tensions that your baby may be holding and your IBCLC will help with positioning and other feeding considerations.

Other considerations:

It can feel quite confusing when most of your new baby’s behaviour appears to look like he’s hungry! Keep in mind that sucking and looking for physical contact fixes almost everything -  gives him food, gives him relief from wind pain and helps him settle back to sleep.  Try a cuddle / burp to start with.  If he’s hungry he’ll start to show you more obvious signs and if he just needs you close by then he’ll settle in your arms.  A baby carrier or sling is a fantastic way to have your baby close to you between feeds to help you learn his subtle cues for comfort.

An Older baby may experience frustration when teething as his gums may be swollen and painful. A firm rub of his gums with your finger or a chew on a teething toy just before offering the breast can give him some much needed relief from this discomfort.

Breastfeeding a baby who is constantly frustrated at the breast is possibly the most distressing challenge to work through.  Seeking support from an IBCLC will help you work out the reasons your baby is frustrated and will give you a personalised plan to help you move forward to a better breastfeeding experience.

Rowena Gray is a mother to 3 amazing daughters, nurse, midwife and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and has been both a consumer and giver of copious amounts of breastfeeding advice!  She is the author of ‘Born to Breastfeed - the first six weeks and beyond’ - available online (booktopia) and as an e-book through amazon.